Whats that saying about slow and steady?

I am tired of slow and steady. Its official. I am one month in (well I will be tomorrow) and I am only 2.2 lbs down. I was hoping to be at least 4 lbs down by a month in, although the first week of the month I was a massive screw up and really didnt know what I was doing. I have also learned that I really need to be about 2000 calories under my 1,200 goal for the week in order to actually loose the weight I need to loose. (since I was about 2000 calories under the week that I saw the most loss) But that puts me at around 1000 calories a day which is pretty low. I am going to give that a try though, I just feel like things are not moving fast enough. I knew this was going to be a long road, I was just hopping it to be a long fast moving road.

I am trying really hard not to get discouraged, cause 2.2 lbs is better than nothing, I mean at least the scale is moving in the direction I want it to, not the wrong direction. The other big thing I learned is that I have to work out, I am not going to do this just by dieting alone, like some people can. So thats going to be my new thing, I cant make excuses for not working out and I cant lie to myself and pretend that walking when I really dont sweat at all counts as a workout. I need to be sore all the time, well not all the time but I need to be sore alot of the time.

Now all of that being said I want to post some positives, cause I hate being all negitive about this. I did remesure myself this week, and saw some change:

Waist: down 3/4 an inch
calf: down 3/4 an inch(not small enough to get into boots though)
hips: down 3 1/4 inches (from last week not the first time I mesured so technically if you go off the smallest its down 1/4 an inch)
Inch bellow Belly Button: down 2 1/2 inches
Belly Button: Up 1 inch (this sucks but I was really bloated so I am going to blaim it on that)
Bust: (again not an area I really want to see shrink) down 3/4 an inch
Thigh: same



Shadow Says "Always Wear a Helmet" he is wearing a helmet cause he tried to kill me

So its not all bad...And for some other good news, I am most deffinitly going horse back riding this weekend (unless the woman decides that I am to heavy for her horses, alot of people set weight limits of around 200lbs) I am deffinitly planning on going horseback riding this weekend, and I am pumped! So I am going to leave you with some pictures of horses and me when I was skinnier (mostly from horse back riding)

Random Thoughts

This is going to be short and possibly somewhat incoherent. But I dont want to not blog today, so here it goes.

1) I really really really dont want to work out or clean my room or do laundry three things I need to be doing right now.
2) I need to figure out what it is about me that says to older men (like old enough to be my dad older men) "play with my hair" so I can make them stop...seriously its uncomfortable and awkward and I dont like it.
3) I am dreading weigh in tomorrow. I have not been as good as I should be, and have a feeling I might just curl into a ball and take a nap (which is what I want to do)
4) I am really hungry, and I want to eat which means I cant work out for a couple of hours afterwards which means one part of my brain is trying to convince the other part to eat and that is a good excuse for not working out...

So with all that said, I think I am going to go work out for a bit before I completly think myself out of it.

Random Mondays

So this morning I made myself get up and do some yoga with weights, and I am really glad I did. I also did a decent job of eatting a proper breakfast, or well at least what I consider to be a proper breakfast. I made myself an english muffin and ate it with smart start spread and non sweetened raspberry jam, and a banana. It worked out to be something like 250 calories. The english muffins really annoyed the hell out of me at the store. And here is why:



I dont know if you can really tell whats going on in this picture, but the whole grain english muffins which are less calories (110), and have more fiber (3 grams) and all that other good stuff are 3.39$ for the 6 pack, the Original with 120 calories per muffin that have 1 gram of fiber, are 1.69 cents. The healthy food is almost 2 dollars more expensive then the unhealthy vareity, it works out to be double the cost per muffin. (28 cents). I feel like this trend is annoying and disapointing. I mean no wonder our country is obease, people look at stuff like this and think, why spend the extra money its just 10 more calories, why make dinner when I can spend 5$ a person to go get fast food...and it just is a downward spiral of unhealthy eatting, and dont even get me started on the cost of produce.

On an entirly different subject I did not go horse back riding this weekend, I ended up having to call and cancel cause my meeting with some people about moving appartments got pushed back, and I ended up wandering around marshels to kill some time. My original plan was to go to Costco instead, but I found out I was never actually added to my parents membership, so I couldnt get anything from there. And I had some stuff I wanted to get for Jake's b-day from marshels anyway. And I ended up getting myself a really cute sweater



I saw it cause it was not on a hanger in the middle of two racks, and I picked it up and it was so soft, its like 40% angora wool, and it was my size and it was 10$ so I bought it, and I got what I wanted to get for Jake. So even though I really didnt get my work out in I do think Sunday was a sucess. Plus the meeting with the couple about the apartment went well. Anyway, tomorrow is my weigh in day so I am kinda freaked about that, but earler this week things were looking really good I just hope everything is where its supposed to be, fingers crossed for 196lbs, which will put me at 2lbs lost last week.

Horse Back Riding, Movies, and Junk Food

So I am trying to be better about blogging on the weekend. I am really excited for today cause I get to go horse back riding!

But otherwise I havent been that good this weekend, I did do some Budokon yesterday but then I went to the movies and ate wendys for dinner, so even with the Budokon I ended up about 200 calories over. I was also over on Friday night but only by 16 calories, so that really isnt a big deal. I am hoping to make up for it today, and since I was pretty solid earlier this week (750 calories under on tuesday) I should still be able to see something of a loss this week. (I peaked at the scale today, after discovering one of my other roomates has a much nicer digital scale which read at 196.5!)

Otherwise its been a pretty uneventfull weekend. But I have tons of errons to run so I am going to take off...supposidly I can go pick up my costco card and start saving money...and I need to get Jake's birthday present situation figured out.

Slackerrific, Not So Fat Work Pants, and Online Shopping

So yesterday, I went home, got in bed and watched tv. That was my night...and Bones and Fringe wernt even on. I was supper lazy, and with the hamburger I ate for lunch I didn't even have a healthy day :( oh well. Today has been better, salad for lunch, apricots for breakfast, I did slip a little bit and let myself have a non fat pumpkin spice late with my breakfast...but I really really really wanted it and figured okay, but that's it. And then someone at work gave me a box of chocolate truffles for no reason, ugh I hate holiday season. But I only ate one, for a whopping 125 calories...way more than my dark chocolate that I keep hidden in my desk for when I get a craving, that only has 35 calories. So I really need to do some serious working out when I get home tonight. or I will be eating rice and chicken broth for dinner again tonight (although that was on purpose last night cause I still felt sick)

Anyway...another bane of my existence is online shopping. Its so easy to spend money by shopping online, cause its just, click, click done. 50$ less then I had before. I found a really supper cute dress online at old navy and I was really tempted to buy it but I stopped myself.



Seriously, how cute would this be with tights and or boots?

I need to save money! I have 2 big birthdays this month (nov) plus a trip to Georgia to budget for. I am thinking I might start hitting up some thrift stores cause I am broke but I need winter clothes that fit. Maybe I should suggest that the blogger hood of the traveling not so fat pants send around some not so fat non jean trouser pants. Or maybe I should start that...anyone out there want a pair of not so fat size 14/12 work pants and can send me a pair of not so fat 16 work pants?

Jump Jump..Bounce, Splat.

So today I have been all over the place, like no joke all over the place. Its like return of the A.D.D. times 10. I guess its cause I feel slightly overwhelmed and all over the place, even though I have no reason to feel either. I did go to the gym last night and do my weigh in like I was supposed to. 198.2! so Yay, I am below 200 lbs.

A few hours later:

How can I be so unfocused this morning that I cant write more than 2 sentence's on my blog (okay well 3) and now I feel dizzy sick and tired...I think it has something to do with the fact that I did just get sick in the bathroom but I will spare you guys the details. Frustrating, cause now my energy has definitely crashed. I guess I didn't eat the healthiest of lunches (hamburger) but whatever. I don't want to dwell on that. I was going to tell you guys a story earlier that kinda had to do with the title, I think I still will cause it makes me laugh.

So last year, I was working crazy hours, and I was supper stressed out, and I was like 90% sure I was the only one in the office (mostly cause it was like 10:30pm) so I walked up and down the hall just to check then I turned my music on as loud as it would go and started "dancing" dancing is in quotation marks cause I am an overweight white Jewish girl with no rhythm, like I am anti rhythm if that is even possible, I am also highly uncoordinated and lack anything even remotely involving grace, so my form of dancing tends to be jumping around and waving my arms about like a crazy person ( I hope you have an image in your head now). Well anyway, I am dancing, with my headphones on and music blaring and all of a sudden someone rounds the corner, and I screamed(Yes, I saw a random person and screamed cause I didn't think anyone was there) midway through jump, so I tried to jump away from the person that at the time I thought was a ghost or something, so midway through jump/dancing I started screaming/falling, and landed on a pile of boxes with books in them twisting my ankle and sprawling on the floor. The guy, who was a random temp I think, stopped looked at me, I looked back at him, then he walked away. It was great....are you guys laughing yet?

Also, on another random tangent, I really want my fat ass calf's to fit into some knee high boots! like seriously, they are SO cute, and warm and everything great. But when I look online they only have them for like 15 inch calf's, I need like an extra 4 inches of material. Grrr...I found these at DSW.



they have a semi decent selection of boots in a wide calf you can see them here but seriously, I hate how expensive things are, if I had normal calf's (which from years of horse back riding just isn't going to happen) I could buy really cute boots for like 50$...I do really like these though, for 2 big reasons. 1st, they are aersoles, and normally I don't care to much for brand stuff but shoes are different, aersoles are one of those brands where you are practically guaranteed that they wont hurt your feet. But they also have an extra zipper so that if you have a fat calf it zips down and gives you extra room, but then as you loose weight like I am hoping to do they will zip back up again so it will still fit you. Eh, I guess I just need to wait and prioritize my spending cause I want to go to Germany this winter.

Anyway, my stomach needs to stop being ridiculous so I can go home and do Budokon before Bones, and Fringe and Project Runway comes on.

Weight loss...maybe?

So last night I was a slacker, but I will get to that later. First some good news. I took my measurements last night. I also got on the crappy scale and it read somewhere under 200 but I really couldn't tell where, I will go to the gym and use the nice scale tonight.

Measurements taken about a month ago:
Waist Circumference: 34.5
Bust Circumference: 42
High Hip Circumference: (bout an inch below belly button)40.5
Hip Circumference: 47.5
Thigh Circumference: 30
Upper Arm Circumference: 14
Calf Circumference: 20

Measurements Now:
Waist Circumference: 34.5 (Same)
Bust Circumference: 40 1/2 (down 1.5 inches, but not exactly where I want to be loosing weight)
High Hip Circumference: 37 1/2 (down 3 inches!!!)
Hip Circumference: 49 1/4 (up 1.75 inches...I am wondering if my original measurement was off)
Thigh Circumference: 29 1/2 (down 1/2 an inch)
Upper Arm Circumference: 14 (same)
Calf Circumference: 19 (down 1 inch)

So if you add everything up (including the hip gain) I have lost a total of 4.25 inches! Which is awesomely Amazing! I am so pumped that I am really really excited...and I am hoping the scale reflects similar stuff.

As for why I am a slacker, last night I failed to work out. Reason. I was so engrossed in this book I am reading that I couldn't put it down. No joke, I am carrying it with me everywhere. Its called Nyphron Rising and its the 3rd book in the Riyria Revelations. If you like fantasy books I highly recommend this series...you can buy them at Amazon.com, or maybe I can set something up with the author and sell them online through here and get you guys signed copies (personal friends with the Author, he is part of my Wednesday writers group) I literally got home and was like, well I will read another chapter and then work out...2 hours and 100 pages later I hadn't worked out and I hadn't eaten anything either, well except for a couple bites of food I ate for lunch. So I did a quick 10 min. yoga workout, which I don't really count as a proper workout, I went upstairs and made myself a tuna fish salad with celery...I love celery, and I wanted a tuna salad with celery...yesterday I ate about 400 calories, and drank maybe another 200 so I was well below where I should be...ugh. I don't like eating. I'm not anorexic, I just wasn't hungry...But I should give you an update tomorrow on my actual weight according to the good scale. Thats all for now.

AHH...Strees, Weigh in Day, Snacking

So I am all over the place today. First thing I want to do is a mini rant, cause I am pissed and stressed and pissed. Last night I called my Grandma cause well I have to every now and again and she gets mad at me when I dont, and occasionally she will give me money oh and I love her. So my grandma says something like "its good you are so independet cause your parents are having a really hard time right now" and I think uh oh...I know things havent been great but I thought they were getting better, I mean my mom actually has a job now. So I call my parents, we start talking, I ask how the dogs are (Mumbo the lab is back from doggy jail where she got sent cause our dickwad neigbor was in our yard and then he accused Mumbo of biting him...he doesnt have a scratch on him and the vets and animal control say she isnt a violent dog) This is Mumbo:



This is Buster our old Spanial Mix, he does bite but he isnt allowed outside not on a leash and he only bites if you try to pick him up, or pet him without being introduced to him properly. He is a good guard dog



And this is Zimi, she is the new puppy that I really dont know much about my parents got her after I had moved away



So anyway, because the neighbor accused Mumbo of biting him My parents will probably have to go to court to deal with this, and they face a fine up to 15,000$.

In addition to that, my parents were just informed the Federaly regulated flood insurance, which they have, is not going to cover the flood damage to the house because the house is a partially sudmurged building...or something like that, basically their reasoning is, the flood happened in the basement which is partially below ground therefor it is not part of the house and not covered. Which is bullshit! if you have flood insurance for a house, it should cover all parts of the house, right? Not just part of it, and the basement is where 2 of the 4 bedrooms are! So apparently acording to that logic 2 bedrooms in the house arnt part of the house! I am livid. I mean the basement was completly destroyed. There is foundation damage, they had to replace all the dry wall all of the regular wall all of the wood all of the insalation and they have to fix the foundation! And they pay X amount of money every month for flood insurance in case something like this happens. Its bullshit. Here are two pictures of the flood...sorry for the poor quality they were takin with a camera phone.





So anyway I am stressed about everything going on at home, my parents have to go to court about the dog, they might get sued cause of the dog, the flood insurance isnt going to cover the damage to the house, so my parents might have to take the insurace company to court to get that money...and my parents are broke...we dont come from money, I come from a lower middle class family. My dads a mechanic and my mom was a school teacher, but she is back in school now to get another degree and is working part time in a day care center. So last night I ate to much, mostly cause I was stressed and I am a stress eater, I know I eat when I am stressed and I need to stop, and tonight is weigh in day which only makes things worse cause now I am stressed about weigh in day. I think I might email congress people about the complet bullshit with the insurance company, cause its supposed to be federally regulated. Especailly with the mess after Katrina. Anyway sorry for the long, not so weight loss related rant about random shit...hope you enjoyed some of the pictures...and sorry for the cussing. My arms are sore, I woke up and worked out this morning, and I am going to do Budokon tonight to try to work out some additional stress. I will let you know how the weigh in goes later.

Weekend Lazyness, Migrains and Crickets.

So Friday Afternoon I was fully prepared to go home and get in a good hour long heart pounding sweaty workout, but as I was leaving work I got a call from the boyfriend, saying he thinks he has the flu, his room is 60 degrees and he has no food. He doesn't want me to bring him stuff, but he does want me to come over. So I hurry home, pack up my emergency flu kit(an extra blanket, sudephed, Tylenol, theraflu, tomato soup, lots of bottled water(dc tap water is undrinkable unless you want cancer or mercury poisoning)juice, fruit with vitamin c, a couple books, a video game a thermometer and a movie)and then head over to his place. His room is 59 degrees when I get there. Apparently the army hasn't turned the heat on in the barracks yet so there is no heat. Also his version of the flu is the sniffles (apparently a cold is the sickest he ever really gets) but I also don't want to completely write it off, cause I already had my run in with the H1N1 thing ( I didn't go to the doctor but called in on day 5 of not being able to get out of bed with a list of symptoms and they diagnosed me over the phone, they also said as long as I was able to keep water down they had no interest in seeing me) and with the H1N1 flu, you don't generally get a fevor or break out into real flu symptoms (high fever, vomiting and all that other great flu stuff) until day 3. Since I was already there, and hadn't really seen Jake in about 10 days, we both work alot, I added my blanket to the pile, and cuddled up with him on the couch and watched a movie. We ordered Chinese food for dinner after he informed me that he really didn't want soup...and I got sweet and sour chicken with steamed rice, which according to 3 different calorie counters only worked out to be about 400 calories, so even without working out I still managed to be bellow where I needed to be for the day. Here is a picture of my absurdly handsome boy friend...although I wont tell him I said that, no big egos allowed.



Saturday was remarkably uneventfully, we did play a game of dig through Jake's closet and see what we could find...well he was looking for his box of winter clothes so he could hang that stuff up and put his summer clothes away, I was playing lets look through Jake's closet to see what we can find. This is an amazingly fun game cause we are kinda similar in size, his pants wont fit me, but I can wear basically all of his shirts and stuff. So he will hand me something cause I am "helping" and I proceed to immediately put it on. I think the first time he turned around I was wearing 2 t-shirts, 3 jackets (1 regular camo, 1 dress green, and 1 big black warm thing) 2 pairs of gloves and 3 hats (a beeny, a camo field hat thingy, and a brain bucket) he turned around cause I started trying to put on a pair of boots that he handed me even though I had about 6 extra inches of fabric on my fingers...so much ridiculous fun. I wish he had taken a picture. Anyway, Saturday I ate left over Chinese (I managed to get 3 full meals out of a single portion of sweet and sour chicken Jake was amazed out how little it took for me to get full) and subway, a roast beef 6 inch with no cheese and lots of veggies, and so I once again managed to stay under my calorie limit.

Sunday I woke up with a major migraine, got in my car and drove home, nibbled on healthy snack food but really didn't feel up to making any food, I convinced myself getting up and going for a walk might make me feel better, so I went for a mile walk, it didn't help, I came home and took another nap, which helped a little bit, but I kept getting woken up by a vacuum cleaner. So by the 3rd time, I went into the room next door to ask why my roommate kept vacuuming her room...she informed me it was because there were crickets everywhere...So I told her I have a migraine and every time she turned the vacuum cleaner on it was like someone was sawing open my head, after I had ran head first into the wall. I also told her that if she didn't stop I was going to end up throwing up...She didn't seem to get the point cause she continued using the vacuum. After about 3 more times, I got up and asked her to stop again, and find a quieter way to kill the damn crickets if they were really scaring her that much...I mean they are fucking crickets, they jump around and eat grass and sometimes make annoying cricket noises...its not like they are spiders or snakes or anything that can actually hurt you. At one point I wrote an email to my best friend asking if she thought I would be able to get away with killing her and claiming it was justifiable as I was temporaraly insaine. I finally managed to fall asleep around 2am which is when she finally stopped vacuuming up crickets...and I woke up at around 10am this morning, so needless to say I didn't get my workout in again this morning cause I slept through all three of my alarms. My plan for tonight is to go home and workout...then probably sleep or something, maybe read. But I deffinitly need to workout.

Pictures, Breakfast, and Nanowrimo

So um...I officially failed at eating breakfast today, as it is now 1pm eastern standard time and I just ate my "breakfast" I am out of banana's so it was an apple today...but I forgot, and was running late and all of those other excuses...but more importantly I just wasn't hungry! so I skipped my breakfast, and had a cup of coffee instead. YAY COFFEE! More importantly, I made the coffee myself. I conquered my ridiculous fear of the stupid complicated giant coffee making machine in my office (which is basically like an overly complicated regular coffee pot machine) but ever since I tried making coffee on it once, two years ago, and managed to make a giant mess by spilling coffee everywhere and having to go to the emergency room cause my boss is a freak and things blistering skin is a problem, I have been afraid to make coffee on the damned machine. But this morning, I came in and there was no coffee and I really really really wanted coffee so I decided to give it a try. And Victory is mine! at least over the stupid giant complicated coffee machine...and I got coffee for breakfast!

I was really proud of myself yesterday too. I got home, worked out, and then took pictures of myself for you guys...I realized I have no full length pictures up here yet. so here we go

The full length pictures really kinda highlight the areas where I need the most work. like my thighs and my gut. But whatever.

Last night, I was really good in other elements of things...I did a full hour of Budokon, and that kicked my but. It was so much fun though. Then I made myself some dinner. A 2 egg omlette that was amazing. Then I watched Bones, Fringe, and Project Runway (and I am really bumbed that Shrin went home she is so awesome) I had more pictures to show you guys, I was having a remarkably amazing good hair day yesterday so I took a couple pictures of that. I also took a picture of my omlette cause it looked so amazing that I had to take a picture. Normally when I make omlettes I fail horribaly and it turns into more scrabled eggs with lots of stuff in it, but this time it was a real proper omlette and it was awesome!

Also last night I flushed out my idea for NaNo WriMo (for those of you who dont know what NaNo Wrimo it is basically a project designed to get people to stop stairing at blank screens and write...the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. which works out to be 1,700 words a day aproximatly for more information, or to register you can click here my username is Sara-Laine), talking to Sue over at Did I Just Eat That Out Loud. I am pretty set on my young adult novel idea...its going to be intense, finding time to exercize, work and write. Especially since I am 2 weeks away from program season starting which means eatting alot of meals from hotels, and working 80 hour weeks. I am glad I have both workout DVD's which I can throw in my bag and do in a hotel room if I need to and workout DVD's on watch instantly on netflix so I can do them anywhere I have both my laptop and internet. I just have to be good, and keep holding myself accountable, and write! So with that I leave you.

Social Eating at Night

I am so bad at social eating late at night, I hate it, I know its bad for me, and I need to stop, but its like my stomach is grumbling cause I ate a couple hours earlier, I am hungry and the food other people are eating is so so good! So I order something, and then I eat it, and then I cant sleep...and I lay awake thinking, I am an idiot...I shouldn't have eaten that and its going straight to my gut, hips thighs, ass, arms, chin...or wherever else unwanted fat ends up.

I am guessing you guys can guess where this is going, last night I went out, (I made dinner before so I wouldn't be tempted) and after my writers group we went to a Irish Pub, and I was originally just going to get water and be good, but my stomach started grumbling so I ordered a hamburger cause they were half off...I did immediately cut it in half and separate the fries in half so I only ate half of it but still...so bad for me, and it was like 10 pm so I ended up staying up late staring at my ceiling unable to sleep cause I ate so late. I was kinda proud of myself for cutting it in half and not devouring the entire damn thing though so YAY For small...very small as in 2 steps forward and 3 steps back victories...well this was more like 2 steps forward and 1 1/2 steps back cause before I would have ordered the food and eaten it all. I eventually gave up feeling guilty and went to sleep but still I was so annoyed. So yesterday with my terrific blunder I was 234 calories over my daily goal...so I netted 1,542 calories (the rest of my day was really really good a banana for breakfast, a bell pepper and apple sauce for lunch, peanut butter and trail mix as a snack and then 1056 calories for dinner)...which I guess in the grand scheme of things probably isn't too too bad..but its still not good. I am going to slap myself on the hand and yell bad Sara. Done (and yes I did just get some weird looks from a person that happened to be walking by my cube). And now its time to move on.

I was planning on going hiking this weekend, but it started raining yesterday, and its not supposed to stop again until Wednesday or Tuesday next week. So much for running this afternoon like I planned, I guess I will do either Budokon or some of the workout videos I found on neflix watch instantly...or maybe I will do something from the fit channel. A couple of days ago I was reading a blog by Jen called Prior Fat Girl, and I came across an interesting list of some common excuses as to why people don't work out...and I made myself a bullshit list (from her list) that I am going to put up on a poster and hang on the wall of my room. So far my list is:

"I don't have time to work out"...Bullshit, any workout will help, even if you do 10 minutes a day.

"I cant afford it"...Bullshit, Running/Walking outside is Free & Fit Channel is included in cable

"Dieting is Unrealistic"...Bullshit,, managing calories and eating less food saves money

"I tried a diet once, it didn't work"...Bullshit, It didn't work cause you didn't commit, its not a diet its a lifestyle change

"Its genetics, that's why I am like this"...Bullshit, Genetics, have nothing to do with unhealthy choices

"If I buy healthy food it will just go to waste"...Bullshit, Plan your meals, buy what you need, and if you stick with it you will save money and get healthy.

So that's my bullshit list, every time I think of an excuse for not doing what I am supposed to I think I am going to add it to a bullshit list and then write why the excuse is bullshit...and sorry for all the cussing.

I also kinda cheated today and I got on the crappy scale just to peek and its down to 200lbs, so I don't know if the scale is accurate or if its crappy...I think what I need to do is weigh myself on it then immediately walk to the gym and use the nice fancy like a doctors scale and see where I am at, and then check the scale...but going off that scale I gained 5lbs but I lost it again (probably just water weight so I am still about the same) but no need to panic I guess. And my arms are killing me. That's all for now. I really want to take a nap.

Breakfast, Pumpkin Carving, and I am a chicken.

So last night I didnt go to the gym to use the fancy nice scale to get a proper estamite of my weight. Instead I worked out at home...YAY BUDOKON, and that kicked my ass, and carved pumpkins. Yes I did say we carved pumpkins. Here is the pumpkin I carved...I dont have the pictures of the others cause I am bad at remembering to take pictures...I am really happy with the way this one came out. YAY Halloween.

Anyway, so we carved pumpkins, debated the health benifets of soy milk...which turns out are bacially the same as regular milk, except for the fact that soy milk has a little bit more calories and it doesnt upset my stomach. So Soy Milk=Win for me.

Also last night I made lima beans and pasta for dinner...and I know pasta is really high on my bad foods list but I was being lazy and its easy to make, after I poured the sauce on the pasta and stired it up, I noticed mold growing on the top of the can and was like crap...well I didnt need to eat this anyway and dumped the entire thing out...guess it was just Gods way of saying hey fatty dont eat that. So I made cream of wheat instead. I love cream of wheat, its one of my go to comfort foods and it only has 220 calories per serving. I added about 1 TBSP of honey and so it worked out to be something like 280 calories for the cream of wheat. Which isnt bad.

I did get yelled at by 4 different people yesterday for not eatting a big enough breakfast, but I dont like breakfast, I really dont. One of the conversations went something like this...

me: "I had a banana for breakfast"

friend:" Thats not enough food"

me: "I dont like breakfast"

friend:" who says breakfast has to be breakfast, you need to eat more calories in the morning and less at night it will help you loose weight"

me: "but it takes time in the morning and I dont like to wake up, and I dont like eating lots in the morning it makes me feel gross"

friend: "bullshit, you need to eat a better breakfast"

So I guess I really should eat breakfast, I know its what everyone in the world recomends but I dont like breakfast, eatting a banana in the morning is huge for me! Normally I just have a cup of coffee or tea and water and I am good till lunch, and I like banana's they are yummy and I can eat it sitting at my desk or getting dressed or driving into work or wherever. Ugh..I am willing to try eating a better breakfast however, but I do need advice. What do you eat for breakfast if you dont like breakfast? It needs to be fast, easy and taste good...I wonder if I can make cream of wheat the night before and heat it up in the morning...eh. HELP.

Also on another front I got yelled at again today by other friends for not eatting enough in general. This came up cause someone asked me what I brought for lunch and I said a bell pepper...and they freeked out cause apparently a bell pepper isnt a good lunch. I guess it is kinda on the light end of what I normally eat but they are yummy and I love them and I know I will eat more later ( as in healthy snacks, I have a portion of trail mix, dried mango and apple sauce as my snacks for today). What do you guys think...am I being crazy for thinking a bell pepper is a good lunch? (please ignore the horrible hair day, I didnt wake up early enough to work out and take a shower so I chose to work out)

DC is so cold and I am kinda grumpy cause of it. I am such a chicken about going outside and its only in the 40s right now...BUT ITS IN THE 40's AND ITS ONLY OCTOBER...thats just plain ridiculous for a georgia girl. I finally finally found some tights that fit, so I can keep wearing the dresses that I love to wear in the spring, but I dont want it to be cold. I am boycotting the cold. It is official. On the tights note, I hate they way they size womans tights, cause I have giant thighes and an ass...and when I weighed like 140lbs I had to buy tights for woman that weighed 160-200 lbs now that I weigh 200 lbs I cannot find tights that fit me...but I was at target and I saw they had 2xl tights and got really exctied cause they fit woman from like 200-250lbs the biggest tights I have ever found and they actually fit(on a side note I shouldnt be this excited about buying clothes in the 2xl size range but whatever they are tights and I onlyhave to buy them this big cause I have an ass)!

I also feel really bad cause from reading other peoples blog, like Josh over at my two feet , Shmologna at Me vs the Buffet , Jenn over at Ex Hot Girl, and Brittany at More that just Moral Support that I am just being a giant wuss. So I just wanted to throw some props yalls way for putting up with ridiculous weather better than I do.

Sorry for the long random post, but I guess the people that are following me are kinda used to it by now.

Oh and I signed up for Nanowrimo, come be my Writing Buddy at naowrimo.org my username is Sara-Laine

WAHHAHAHA weigh in day

So today is weigh in day, and I woke up and did some Tai Chi and Yoga with Weights (I didn't want to get out of bed this morning and slept in till 9am so I didn't have time to go for a run) and then right before i took a shower I decided to cheat and see if I saw any difference on my roommates crappy scale (instead of the nice one at the gym) but when I got on that scale it said I weighed 205 pounds! according to this scale I gained 5 pounds in a week! So now I am freaking out for my real weigh in tonight, cause what if that scale is accurate and I really did gain 5 lbs this week? I have no idea how it would be remotely possible since I according to my calorie intake was -1232 last week, from what I would take to loose 2 pounds a week so if that number is right I should have lost about 2.2 pounds. grrr...okay well there is nothing I can really do about it until tonight when I go and actually weigh in at the gym.

"Should you be Eating That"

I think "should you be eating that?" is the all time most dreaded question that girls/woman/people who are remotely subconscious about their weight can be asked. But people ask it and its infuriating and frustrating and well...it just sucks.

I have finally started telling people (some of my closer DC friends) that I want to start loosing weight, and I have gotten a outcry of support and motivation and all good stuff like that. I hadn't been telling people I see often before simply in case I failed, then I wouldn't have to feel quite as guilty. Anyway, now that I have started telling people, they want to help me. It make sense, that's what friends do, but I also feel like in their attempts to help me I am being judged.

Maybe I am being supper subconscious and stuff, but I know I need to let myself eat stuff I am craving, in small portions, that way I dont just get frustrated and give up. I think I am also worried about this dreaded question simply cause I am counting down the days until Thanksgiving, when I next see my family.

I know they mean well and they love me and all of that stuff but at the same time I cant stand the questions about what I eat, and how I eat and if I am being healthy and why am I gaining weight and should you be eating that. In large part I have been keeping such ridiculous records of every single thing I put in my mouth is so when I get home and I get crap (cause even in an ideal world I will only be around 188 lbs by thanksgiving) for being a fatty I can throw it in their face and be like look! I am working hard! I can loose more weight if I become anorexic and starve myself or maybe I should go for an instant fix fad diet that always fails...anyway maybe I am being unfair to them, I know they love me and do it cause they care, but seriously I am stressed about thanksgiving...which is ridiculous cause its A) my favorite holiday and B) falls on my birthday this year.

UGH...anyway on to more happy subject.

Even with my friend in town (who is a ridiculously picky eater and really only eats carbs) I ate fairly decently and found time to work out! Friday I did a bit of working out before she got her, not the traditional kinda working out where I go running (like i planned) or anything, but I rearranged my room. Yes, I count that as working out, especially when furniture averages about 40-50lbs.

Anyway Friday I ate, a banana for breakfast, a chicken barbecue wrap from trader joes for lunch (only half of it which is one serving, not cause I was supper full but because it was pretty gross) then like 2 bites of a hamburger and some fries from Fudruckers for dinner. It worked out to be, even with my snacks about 900 calories

Saturday I ate a banana for breakfast, the rest of the hamburger for lunch, ravioli and broccoli for dinner and a Cheese Danish as a snack...so I didnt do to well with the eating on Saturday but we walked around for over 2 hours, and I did both Pilate's and Tai Chi in the morning (I love that video)

And on Sunday I ate (once again not a supper healthy day) a Doughnut for breakfast, Pumpkin flavored from Dunkin Doughnuts since I walked past it with Abby on the way to the bus stop. Hot wings for lunch (9 of them) and then 2 potato skins, a caeser salad and 2 bites of mashed potatoes for dinner...but once again I did about 25 min of yoga (which my arms are killing me from) and about 30 min of Tai Chi.

What I think impressed me the most was Sunday Night at dinner with my boy friend, where I was starving before hand (which is why we got the potato skins) how little I actually ate. Normally I would eat 2 potato skins then my entire meal (I got a soup and salad combo) but I at the 2 potato skins then I was full. So full that I didn't really even touch my soup, and only ate a couple of bites of my salad. I was amazed, I have also noticed I am hungry more but eat less every time. I think subconsciously I have moved to the eating small amounts every 5 hour plan and I hadnt even realized that I have shrunk my stomach! I am pumped! so with that I will leave you...this ridiculously long post about a successfully weekend and a stress full family. Tomorrow night is weigh in night so I hope I actually see some results (even if its 1lb) I will be happy.

Soreness, Container Store and the Enemy (snack food)

Ugh, right now I am so sore that typing hurts...so maybe I have been going a bit overbored and not doing the "start slowly" routine, and I should slow down. But should I slow down? I am worried if I slow down I will quit, so I dont think I am going to slow down...well not to much anyway.

Yesterday I ate pretty decently until I got home, I have decided snacking is my enemy, yesterday my calorie intake was still under its goal but seriously, I ate a banana for breakfast(105 calories), A greek salad for lunch (210 calories), A salad with tuna salad for dinner (339 calories) for my meals I ate a total of 654 calories, then my snacks totaled 660 calories, mostly cause I was craving cheese and I got olive bar from Whole Foods when I walked up there with my roommate to get the cheese I was craving. And I must admit the cheese was sooo good! I was able to stop myself and not eat to much of it but damn I was mad at myself. I was so full it was uncomfortable, but at least I managed to stay under my calorie intake goal, my budget is 1,157 calories a day, I ate 1,314 calories then I exercized 224 calories so I was 66 calories under my goal.

Unfortunitly I didnt get a chance to do my T'ai Chi video :( Once I got home and went for a run
I realized I had to clean my room before I even had a place to do the video. So knowing that I need to do something for my arms I put the wrist weights on my arms and started cleaning, did that for about an hour, till my roommate came and knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to go to whole foods with her, and I thought oohhh! Cheese!

On the way to whole foods I stopped at the container store and got some amazing stuff to organize my room, which is in deffinate need of organizing. I think once I get home I will post a picture of the horror that is my room...then I will post another picture of it once I finish cleaning...picture goes here:

I love the container store, last night I bought some really nifty things for helping me organize, I got this thing for organizing my undies drawer, and it is a mirical worker! and then I got 2 of these for my tank top drawer, the smallest size (I think it was designed for shoes) fits perfectly in my drawers, I am going back today and getting a bunch more (4 will fit in a drawer so I might get 4 for every drawer in my dresser just to make things neat and clean), so I have the tanks split up by color and style so I can actually find them, ribbed tanks make up like 75% of my wardrobe. And I also bought these, or something exactly like them, they come 2 to a pack so I put all my sweaters in one and then all my sheats and stuff in another, I want to get more of these two so I can put pants and stuff in them.

As for the rest of the night, Bones was alright, its bones so you can basically count on it being entertaining. Fringe was awesome! I was like wait, wait, stop throwing so much information at me I cant keep up! It was a great episode, I love that show, every time I see it I cant wait for the next episode, and it doesnt help that Peter (Joshua Jackson) outgrew his Dawsons Creek days and turned out to be really cute, and not a half bad actor. Project Runnway was also good, although I feel like the show has taken a slight downturn since moving to lifetime, but maybe thats just my predujust against lifetime. I love Shrin and the dress she made was awesome, especially with all the crazyness she had to deal with, I would totally wear that dress (once I lost some more weight) and Black and White is always in style. Imagine that dress with black tights and pumps, anyway I am off topic. But you can check out all of the dresses from last night here. I think the ones that go to Bryant Park are going to be Irena, Shrin and Carol Hannah, but I am probably wrong.

My plan for the rest of the day is as followes, go home (proably early since I have been at work for a couple of hours and really havent done anything yet) go for a long walk with the ankle weights on. Im not running today cause my shins are killing me when I put weight on them, which makes me think I need a break from running. Maybe go to the Container Store and buy some more room organizing stuff, get home clean the hell out of my room, Do some T'ai Chi, eat a quick snack, go to Chinatown to pick up my friend from the bus stop, get dinner (either out, but I dont have tons of money so cheaply) or go home and eat. Then probably watch a movie and go to sleep. Tomorrow is Eastern Market and football day....GO DAWGS, hopefully you can not choke for a game, and then Sunday I am meeting a friend for more football at a pub, I am majorly craving hot wings so I am going to have to be carefull about that...anyway, maybe I will have a chance this weekend to let yall know how I do resisting temptation.

Banana Stickers, Ankle Weights, and the Fit Channel

So Yesterday after my run I went home and back to sleep, trying to sleep away my vicious cold...then got up, and tried to call my doctors office to go in and talk to them about my back. Got the busy signal for most of the day, got bored and went to target. Bought ankle weights which I can also use as wrist weights. They are about 2.5 lbs each (for some reason it was packaged as 5lb weights but target is weird) Then I came home and went to my writers group. Which was alot of fun, but that evening I am fairly certine I destroyed all my good work for the day ( I ate baked beans for lunch 420 calories, and 1/2 a grapefruit w/o sugar for breakfast). I got to group and I got a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte with Skim Milk and no Whiped Cream but still thats around 340 calories, then after the meeting we went to an Italian place for dinner, I got a side ceaser salad and i forgot to ask for the dressing on the side so it came covered in that supper fatty dressing, and then I got Ravioli Pasta stuffed with ricotta cheese and spinach, with a tomato sauce and a slice of bread with butter and garlic. And I ate all of it and felt like a fat ass. The worst part was that I went home and couldnt sleep, so when my alarm went off this morning, after only 5 hours of sleep I looked at it, thought about going running, then rolled over and went back to sleep. UGH so mad. but then I woke up about an hour after I was supposed to (6 hours of sleep is not good for colds) and used my wrist weights and did some arm exercizes along with whatever workout was on the Fit Channel, and then went into work, so at least my arms are kinda sore right now.

The plan for making up for me being horrible this morning is simple, go home and run, at least a mile that way I will make up for not doing it this morning. Also, tonight is Bones, Fringe, and Project Runway night so there will be lots of vegging in front of the TV, so I also want to do some arm stuff during comercial breaks...maybe I will just wear the 2.5lb weights while doing normal house stuff for the night. And the first of the video's I ordered (T'ai Chi) should be here tonight. So maybe after my run before I start becoming a vegtable I will get som T'ai Chi in...of cource that also requires that I clean my room, also a requirment for tonight cause my friend Abby is coming to visit tomorrow which I am so Ridiculously pumped about...I havent seen her in forever so this is going to be awesome. Although I dont know exactly how I plan on getting all my exercizing (and Bloggging) in while she is here...somehow it doesnt matter.

As for the Banana Stickers, I ate a banana for breakfast, and a Greek Salad for lunch, but the Banana said "Place Sticker on Forehead. Smile" and I thought how much better the world would be if people actually followed that advice, so I put the sticker on my forehead and proceaded with my day. And so far I have deffinitly made people smile. Here is a picture for proof. Did it make you smile?

Victory is Mine...kinda

So yesterday I got home, feeling pretty good and slightly motivated, ate dinner and watched some TV with my roommate, then ACTUALLY got up and went to the gym and took a Yoga/martial arts class, called body flow. Which was really good, I love classes where you sweat a ton but at the end feel relaxed and calm but wake up sore the next morning. However I was slightly annoyed with myself that I couldn't quite do some of the moves because my fat roles were in the way. After I got over being annoyed with myself I thought it was pretty hilarious, and had to fight trying to laugh during the class.

And this morning, even though I am kinda sick and exhausted and really didn't want to wake up I got up at 7 and went and ran a mile. Of course my time was pathetic and I probably could have walked it faster, I still ran and I got my heart rate up and I am pumped up about it. I also followed through and bought two workout DVDs. After reading some reviews on Amazon and other websites I actually went with 2 different video's rather than the ones I thought I was going to get, they should be here in about 3 days.

Of course I also weighed myself yesterday and I am worse off then I thought i was. I weigh a total of 200lbs which puts my BMI at 34.3. Which is not good, but I am working to change that, so I guess the starting number really doesn't mater much. I need to get down to 174 lbs before I am officially in the overweight category, and 145 lbs will put me in the normal weight category, and 60 lbs to my goal. So as long as I keep doing something, even if I only loose a 1/2 a pound a week and it takes me 3 years then I will get there. (hopefully faster than that)

Optimisim

Two Posts in one day.

In my last post I was down, upset and annoyed with myself. But I reached out to a friend or two. Literally I g-chated one of my good friends and health gurus and said "I need to loose weight, and I dont know how" we proceded to have a conversation about it, and I cant begin to tell you how refreshing and positive it is to say to someone "I want to start loosing weight" and not have the imediate responce be "why? your perfect" because of their own weight insecurities.

The truth is I have gained 40 pounds in two years, and if I keep going I will be morbidly obease in anonther year and a half. I will repeat that so I can hear myself say it out loud. I will be morbidly obease in another year and a half.

But the support I have gotten from alot of friends, with sugestions and ideas and exercizes to try has really inspired me. I think I am getting a Budokon DVD set tomorrow thats for a 90 day weight loss program. Its from Gamin, and I am also going to look into buying some ankle weights and going hiking while wearing them. I have also had alot of friends telll me that they will work out with me which is awesome. Its lots harder to punk out when you are only punking out on yourself.

So after a pretty miserable morning when I was mad at myself for not doing more I had a good afternoon. I thought it was important to share that with you guys.

Frustrated

UGH. So today I am kinda being negitive again, mostly cause I feel like I am making healty choices but its not making a difference, or well its not making a big enough of a difference. For example, yesterday I wrote down everything I ate, and I mean everything, and it averaged out to be about 1,040 calories. Which should be good. Right? But then I looked back and thought about it and realized that I ate 1,040 calories without really changing much, because thats about as much as I have been eating! So if I am eatting 1,040 calories and still gaining weight there has got to be something wrong with me.

As for working out, I know I need to make time for it, and actually I did some crunches and situps and leg lifts and other stuff last night, 200 crunches, 100 situps and 100 leg lift things, but still I dont feel like its enough and I dont have 60 dollars a month to shell out for a gym membership.

So I am officially Frustrated.

Small successes and setbacks

So, yesterday I ate fairly healthily(not sure if that's a word but whatever). A banana for breakfast with hot tea, then a trader joes greek salad for lunch (210 calories with dressing), then Chipolte for dinner, which wouldn't have been my normal choice, especially cause I have leftovers overflowing in my fridge at home, but I went to play ultimate frisbee with some people that I had never met before, from meetup.com, and they apparently eat chipolte after games on Thursday nights. So I went with them and got a burrito which was amazing (but once you add everything up ended up being a whopping 1,145 calories) So I guess as far as eating goes I didn't do quite as well as I thought. But it could have been worse. Ultimate frisbee last night was hands down amazing, and I'm not in that bad of shape after all since I actually was able to do a decent job of keeping up. I wasn't amazing. I was thrown the frisbee twice, and dropped it both times, but neither were spectacularly good throws and both times some one was closer to the frisbee then myself. But I was in the game!

A bit of background. The last time I was on an Ultamate Frisbee team was probably the healtiest I have been since I quite horseback riding regularly. (of cource I was also running about 3 miles 3+ times a week here too and in a semi abusive relationship where I was told I was fat alot) but just for fun I wanted to put up a picture of our old ultamite frisbee team. This was in Newcastle England, and Im the only girl in the picture so I shouldnt be hard to find

From Right to left it goes Me, Nathan, Tom, Gary, Matti, and Lee. This was in 2006, In Newcastle England and I weighed a little under 140 lbs.

However I did learn two things about myself. A) I need glasses, I couldn't see a damn thing on the field. I knew this was coming eventually, since both of my parents need glasses but dammit I am only 24, almost 25. I am too young to be getting old! and B) I need to stop being a wuss and go see a doctor about my back. I only ran around for about an hour, and literally my back is killing me (my shoulder to but that's normal) I couldn't sleep last night cause of how much it hurt. Its been a year, and I keep saying I will go eventually, but if I want to really start being physical I need to go to the damn doctor about this stupid injury. But I dont want to. I think I would go if I could make an appointment, but the primary care physician assigned to me by my insurance company doesn't take appointments, your supposed to just show up during clinic hours. And its frustrating as hell cause I don't think I will force myself to go. I don't like doctors, and that's a good enough reason to not bother with it as I know. UGH. thinking about it makes me mad so I'm going to stop now.

Okay, of to go write on a short story I just started. maybe I will be brave and force myself to go to the doctor tomorrow morning.

Spiked Drink

So...I think someone spiked my drink last night at the going away party for one of my friends. We went to an Indian place fairly close to my house, and I ordered food and a gin and tonic, a single gin and tonic, which is normally enough to make my slightly buzzed. Not enough to make me unable to stand up straight or walk home. But my friend Bobby was my hero and gave me a ride (the half a mile to my house) home. My memories of last night are also fairly vauge. I remember eatting a Indian Lamb dish, and it was good and I have leftovers for lunch today, or well I would if I didnt leave it at home so I stopped at trader joes and bought a salad. I also remember watching its always sunny in philidelphia and laying on the floor of the living room at home, and perhaps dancing in the hallway in the basement on my own. But now I have a hang over and am exhausted, and at work. I hope someone didnt really spike my drink and I just had a really really really strong gin and tonic cause drink spiking is just creepy. I also need to buy a scale, cause I cant really mesure my progress or lack there of without one. I will go running tonight after work.